Over dinner with a friend I haven't seen in over a year, a period in which he had picked up and moved to Shanghai, leaving behind his apartment and long term girlfriend (they're doing the long distance thing), it occurred to me that he had done exactly what a large part of me wants/needs. He left a comfortable environment and challenged himself by going to a place where he knew no one and had no safety net. He did move overseas for a job but even then, it took some time to acclimate himself, to force the issue of being social among strangers, and in the process, he grew and spread his wings. Even from something as little as learning to eat by himself, he found strength and courage he never knew he had -- or lacked.

After I revealed how his experience made me jealous and slightly in awe, he encouraged me to move out of the country too, to pack my bags and go somewhere with no friend or life foundation in place. But I'm afraid of it. Despite having no attachments or monetary worries at the moment, I'm afraid of leaving. I don't do well by myself, and given the choice, I'm more likely to hole up in an apartment looking for Internet than wander out to explore a city.

But it's exactly because I'm afraid that I need to do something like this. As they years skip by, I'm running out of opportunities to expand my horizons, to challenge myself (socially and in life), and to take a leap of faith. Even if getting terribly lost, kicking up dirt, and not having a nearby support system could prove to be catastrophic, it's all low risk and high reward. It's called self reliance and I don't have it, and the last time I arguably had to challenge myself in this way, I utterly failed.

This friend is also embarking on an interesting business idea that combines extreme teamwork, meticulous preparation, far reaching goals, some venturing into the unknown, and preys on the "no cost is too high" attitude of parents concerning their overachieving kids and their chance for getting into the best colleges. Of the many random business ideas I've heard, this is the most personally engaging one, and one of the few that doesn't involve the Internet. I hope it works out for them.

4 comments

1. Lil'Ho on December 8, 2008 at 7:51 PM

   I feel the same. I've always wanted to live outside of Southern California, even if just for a little bit. But I'm not scared of the same things. I'm scared I'll never want to come home.

    
2. jonyangorg on December 11, 2008 at 3:06 AM

   You should go. Everyone should live outside of Southern California for a bit. We're like a weird island of California-ness. It gets harder and harder to move the older you get!

    
3. i amuse myself... on December 18, 2008 at 9:31 AM

   no cost is too high" attitude of parents concerning their overachieving kids - my company preys on the same thing!

    
4. Dhonielle Clayton on December 18, 2008 at 3:12 PM

   i've lived out of the country twice now. it's an alienating liberation of sorts.... do it, just for like 2 months, if given the opportunity. you may write more, especially when you're eating alone all the time.